My nearly 15-year marriage has always been held together with bubble gum and bailing wire. He and I were traveling on different roads almost from the day we had children and it only became worse as our financial success grew. I am pulled to be the Mom I never had and he seems to be pulled by his business and friends. So, when he texted to tell me he had booked a marriage counselor appointment, I cleared my calendar. I was hopeful. The hope was not long-lived.
During our first three sessions, we discussed family, our history and our main issues with each other. He felt like I had distanced myself from him, and to be fair, I had. I communicated that I felt like too often he stays out excessively drinking and gambling. I also felt that he was generally volatile to be around.
Day Four was set for mirroring exercises.
Doc said, “Is there anything new you want to put on the table?”
I held back. I wanted to talk about him staying out until 3 am the Saturday before Easter and blowing a thousand dollars at the casino. I bit my lip because I knew it would cause him to explode and could result in him walking out of counseling… we were not there yet. We were not ready to dig deep into our issues.
He held back. I could see it on his face. There was something ready to erupt like one of the cystic pimples on my peri-menopausal face.
Then, he popped it. “I want a trial separation,” he said.
My heart sank and I got a weird floaty feeling.
Doc kept it together and told me to mirror what he said.
Instead of screaming “We just started, of course, it’s not working yet!”, I did as I was told and mirrored.
Me: You want a trial separation, did I get that right?
Him: Yes.
Me: Is there more?
Him: Yes. I need a space where I feel wanted.
Me: You need a place where you feel wanted. Did I get that right? Is there more?”
He looked at me with the lift of one eyebrow and a screw you look and said, “Yes. You removed yourself from me, now I’m going to remove myself from you, PHYSICALLY!”
That was the start of our separation. We have now been separated for 2 weeks. My husband travels a lot for work. His absence at home has been explained easily to my children; however, I am left to put on a happy face and pretend that our lives were not being ripped apart.
To the ex:
December 6, 2017 @ 8:48 am
This is heartbreaking.
December 6, 2017 @ 9:05 pm
I’m so sorry to read this, I can’t imagine what you have to go through~
IG | @viviyunn_
~
December 7, 2017 @ 7:31 am
So sorry about you…:-( So emotional and heartbreaking!
December 7, 2017 @ 8:42 am
brave post to share your feelings and thoughts
xx
lau
http://www.malibluemymind.com
December 7, 2017 @ 10:26 am
I’m sorry to hear about your separation. Your video is not playing.
December 7, 2017 @ 11:13 am
Really heartbreaking… I can’t imagine your story.
December 7, 2017 @ 5:58 pm
Wow. This is so sad. I honestly hope things work out for you guys.
December 7, 2017 @ 7:08 pm
My heart goes out to you during this tough time. Hold on to hope of a better day. 🙂
December 7, 2017 @ 9:55 pm
Such a difficult time for your family. I hope you find strength to keep moving forward
December 8, 2017 @ 6:36 pm
Wow, you are so brave for sharing! I hope whatever happens works out for the best. You are so strong!
December 8, 2017 @ 9:16 pm
I am sorry you and your family are going through this difficult time. I hope you all are able to work through it.
December 9, 2017 @ 12:25 am
Brutally Honest.
December 9, 2017 @ 8:04 am
What a brave person you are for sharing about this difficult time. I hope you can find some kind of resolution in the future. Keep your chin up, stay brave and seek out support from family and friends. Wishing you all the best.
December 9, 2017 @ 9:32 am
May you find your own path to happiness. Life sends us on many unexpected paths. Hopefully your next journey will be a fruitful one
December 9, 2017 @ 11:42 am
I’m so sorry! Hopefully things will get better!
December 10, 2017 @ 8:26 pm
This tugged at my heartstrings so much. I hope you know how strong you are and a wonderful human you are as well. Your children are lucky to see a parent that cares enough to go through this and is fighting to keep putting on a happy face. Keep smiling lovely!
December 11, 2017 @ 3:49 pm
I am sorry to hear about all of this, and I wish you healing and hope! Thanks for sharing such a beautifully written raw part of your life.
January 2, 2018 @ 12:50 am
This is both heartbreaking and uplifting at the same time.