My life had become a bad romantic comedy. You know what I mean; it’s the kind of chick flick where the middle-aged woman is left to pick up the pieces when her equally middle-aged husband tries to recapture his youth. If it were not so real and completely heartbreaking, I would buy tickets for this movie and plan a girls’ night.
My husband storming out of our last counseling session and his subsequent actions threw all of my preconceived notions into question. I could no longer take him at his word.
I became a sleuth. It started with the credit card bills addressed to “Mr.”, which were usually left in a neat stack on his table. No more. Tearing them open, I scoured every detail. Next, I downloaded all accessible banking information as far back as was available in order to grasp where the money was going. I did all this while mentally kicking myself for not getting involved in the finances earlier…I had thought we were a team.
So far the detective work had only uncovered a few pieces of the picture, but what had come together did not look good for my marriage.
I discovered that three months ago he opened a separate bank account. Two months ago he had $300 worth of testing performed at a pop-up lab that tested for STDs among other things. Last month he paid his first month’s rent on a downtown bachelor pad (visualize on-site rooftop pool, coffee bar and gym complete with trainer). As if that were not enough, our banking records showed that for the last 4 years he had been withdrawing, on average, $3000 per month from the ATM at the local casino.
I realized the temporary separation that he proposed to help us feel the strain of not being together was no strain at all for him.
In the days after the walkout, I looked for another counselor. I had been seeing a therapist on my own and she suggested a group of couples’ counselors in our area. Once I made the selection, per my husband’s instructions, appointment details were sent to him via email. He did not agree or disagree to go, so I left it there not wanting to pressure him. The first appointment was a week and a half away. My plan was to wait for Doc.2 to help me work through what I had found; however, I needed to discuss the testing with my husband as it is a health concern for me.
I found the nerve to ask him about the tests one evening when he came by to pick up a few things. I was sitting in our room wearing my PJs, protected by the armrests of my huge comfy chair (picture Lilly Tomlin in that old Saturday Night live skit rocking away in the chair 3 times her size). He had come into the house and the room uninvited and sat down on the chair ottoman at my feet. He was entirely too close to the circumstances. After listening to his lame attempt at making small talk, I disregarded my tight chest and tingly fingers and quietly asked “Are you sick? I saw that you had tests done.”
He replied, “The tests were to check my health.”
“We have insurance. Why not go to a general practitioner?” I asked.
“Oh, insurance.” He replied.
Our children played on the floor around us, oblivious to it all. I accepted the answer, I hadn’t really expected the truth, I merely wanted him to know that I knew.
To the Ex:
February 19, 2018 @ 8:55 am
Wow! This is very real. Gahhh is this a segment? Will you be posting the next piece?
February 19, 2018 @ 8:58 am
Yes, this is a part of series. The first 3 can be found under the authors tab B-Side Babe
February 19, 2018 @ 6:51 pm
Ok. So does he know you’re writing about him!!? Haha! I’m so sorry. What a big turkey. I hope you all can work through it.
February 19, 2018 @ 9:28 pm
Wow now I need to read the rest!
February 20, 2018 @ 7:20 am
Wow this is so well written and really had me hooked. I have been divorced and it was actually the best thing I ever did!
February 20, 2018 @ 7:24 am
SO this looks to be a story of many people I see around. Hop you pull up the things, will be looking forward for next and previous parts of it!
February 21, 2018 @ 1:36 am
You write beautifully! I can’t wait to read the next chapter 😀
Pardon me, are you a previous novel writer?
February 21, 2018 @ 3:52 am
Wow! I am intrigued to read the rest. I want to read the previous parts too…where can I find it?
February 21, 2018 @ 4:16 am
The first 3 can be found under the authors tab B-Side Babe
February 21, 2018 @ 8:20 am
I am so sorry you have to go through this hell, but on the other hand I am so glad you have the strength to share your story and educate people to be more responsible and to not trust their partner so blindly.
February 21, 2018 @ 1:40 pm
I love the way you write! I didn’t want to stop. Really looking forward to reading more. I’m very sorry you went through this though, I can’t imagine what it must’ve been liked but it’s inspiring that you’re now able to share
February 21, 2018 @ 2:19 pm
These small things that we neglect are sometimes alarming. Looking forward to read more.
February 21, 2018 @ 3:21 pm
Wow, sounds like life is being a bit rough on you at the moment. I hope things smooth out soon, and you can both find some resolution to your troubles.
February 21, 2018 @ 4:21 pm
Although I cannot relate, thank you for sharing your story! I’m so sorry that this is your story and not a fictional tale…
February 21, 2018 @ 4:25 pm
Breakups can be so difficult and hard on everyone. I do like the way you have written this story and the fallout from everything especially betrayal and cheating. And then having to deal with the testing and everything else. Looking forward to the next part.
February 21, 2018 @ 8:21 pm
When I got divorced it hurt like hell… I was angry, resentful, in a stage of mouring like someone died. Now 4 years later and I’m with the love of my life and ready to tie the knot again. Getting dumped by that loser was the best thing that ever happended to me
February 22, 2018 @ 1:49 pm
This is such a painful story to read, but you’ve written it so well!
February 22, 2018 @ 6:39 pm
I am so sorry for your pain, this must have been difficult to write but I pray that you will keep your joy and peace. You are whole and complete without him, a treasure that is priceless. Never forget, be strong for your kids and seek a supportive community for yourself.
February 23, 2018 @ 2:49 am
But what really went wrong?.. Will love to start this from the beginning. Its heart breaking knowing that someone who you trust wholeheartedly broke your trust. hope he all realize his mistake and not allow his ego take the better of him. I just wish you people work thinks out for the sake of the children, separation is not in my dictionary, i believe everything can be worked out with time.
March 27, 2018 @ 8:56 am
Every couple never expects divorce. However you look forward to your future life and keep your feet back on the ground..
March 28, 2018 @ 6:11 am
Oh honey. I know what this is like all too well. I had to understand that he was not the right person for me and I am thankful for the lessons he taught me and now I am in much better place because of the divorce!
March 28, 2018 @ 12:37 pm
WOW! This is so real! I can’t wait to read the rest. Are you a novelist? Is there a previous part that I could readto get the whole picture?
Thank you for this….it is awsome!
D, xo from Live Dream Create – D
March 28, 2018 @ 2:29 pm
Wow! You do have a way with words and you grabbed my attention! Now I need to read the rest! Thanks and all the veyr best with your writing.